Emerson Makes Us A Family

On August 30, 2015 Richard and I attended church like normal not knowing that this service would change our lives forever. When it came time for the prayer requests a lady that attended our church requested prayer for "the baby" and  his situation. After the service we went and spoke to her and learned more. Her daughter's friend had an 8 month old baby boy that she was unable to care for at the time and he needed a place to go. We got in contact with the daughter and she talked to the mother (Christi). She said she had made arrangements with another couple to take him.

It had only been hours since we had learned about his existence but I was devastated. I somehow knew in my heart that he was MY baby. I've heard mother's say that they just knew when they were pregnant. Like they woke up one morning and just knew. I don't know that feeling but I feel like this was similar.

We went about our lives as usual for the rest of that day and the next. But why did it feel like something was missing? Something we had never had but knew in our hearts was supposed to be there. None of us really talked about it but I think everyone was a little disappointed. The guys, of course, said that this was a good thing. We didn't know what we were getting ourselves into but they don't have mother's hearts so we will forgive them for that. 😜

On Tuesday, September 1, 2015 I got off work early (around 1 pm) and was headed home when I got a message from our mutual friend asking if we still wanted the baby. I was elated and terrified but I immediately responded with YES! She put me in contact with Christi, who asked if I could come get him. She was staying at the Women's Shelter in Lake Charles and didn't have transportation. I asked her when she wanted me to come get him and she said as soon as I could get there.

I was working at Bright Beginnings Early Learning Center at this time and knew I'd have to take him to work with me. While conversing with Christi I was also making calls to my boss to see if there was room for him. She and all of my coworkers were wonderful and so supportive! My boss told me that she would do whatever she had to to make room. During all of this I kept calling Richard, who was then working at a plant in Lake Charles, and apparently couldn't hear his phone ringing, so he was clueless that he was becoming a father again. Ha!

It was nearing 5 o'clock by the time I got everything in place to be able to go and my nerves were a wreck. I think I was having all 9 months of pregnancy symptoms in a few hours time...including labor! Okay, so it wasn't that bad but I was becoming a mother! It's a big thing that is happening to you and if that doesn't affect you in some way, you are not human. I was sick to my stomach with terror and excitement. And uncertainty. I knew I already loved him but would he love me? Would I be a good mother? Were we the best choice for his parents? After all we had only been dating/known each other for 5 and a half months!

My mom was working at Methodist Children's Learning Center and was getting off at 5. I still hadn't been able to get a hold of Richard and she had volunteered to go with me and drive. If you know us at all this will tell you what a mess I was. I ALWAYS drive everywhere. So I met her at work and off we went to pick up my baby boy. The drive took forever.....

FINALLY, on the drive, Richard called me back and I told him he was going to be a daddy again. He was skeptical but he had good reason to be. He has an older son with his ex-girlfriend that he is no longer able to see. That was heartbreaking for him and we didn't know how long Emerson was going to be with us. It was very hard for him to go into this knowing there was a high possibility that we would fall in love and get attached to this little guy and he would be taken away too. But when a child needs your help, you help. No matter how much it may hurt you, the child will be hurting more. Though he was skeptical, he was on board but wouldn't be able to make it to pick him up with me.

Mom and I got to the shelter a little after 6 pm and met Christi for the first time. In her arms she had the cutest little boy I had ever laid eyes on.😍 He was flippin perfect! This little duck fuzz covered his head! He had a button nose, big brown eyes, and droopy cheeks hid his neck completely! Two tiny teeth on the bottom were all you could see when he smiled and it was beyond darling. He instantly had my heart and his nana's!! Christi handed him to me and he had that delicious baby smell and squishiness. My heart was a puddle!!

Leaving was hard. Em did fine, but Christi was struggling and who could blame her? Life had not dealt with her kindly and she had nothing to give. She knew she was giving him the best thing for him but that doesn't mean she didn't hurt. Birth mothers get  a bad rap a lot of times because there are some bad ones out there. However, some do it because they can't give the child all that they need and they recognize that. That doesn't make them a bad person. At least not in my book! Without Christi I wouldn't be a mother. I will forever love her and be thankful for the gifts she gave me.

After we left, we met Richard at Long John Silver's. As soon as Emerson saw Richard he jumped out of my arms into his daddy's. It was like he somehow just knew that was his daddy. Richard was done for then and hasn't been the same since! Ha! Emerson won his heart in that one gesture. 🎔

First time meeting Daddy

Christi didn't have much to send with him so when we left LJS's we headed to Walmart in Moss Bluff. Little Emerson fell asleep on the way there. Getting new parents was exhausting for the little guy. All this had happened and he never cried or laughed. He kinda of smiled but there really wasn't a lot of emotion in him at this point. It was heartbreaking...

Sleeping on the way to Walmart

We, obviously, weren't prepared for a baby, AT ALL! Crystal (a lady that goes to church with us and is a long time family friend) loaned us a pack-n-play for him to sleep in and also a huge tub of clothes. We got blankets, formula, bottles,  diapers, wipes, and a few clothes for him at Walmart to get us through the night and next day.

By this time Poppy, who had stayed home with Pawpaw and was not on board with the whole taking in a stranger's baby thing, had fully gotten into the idea of having a grandchild. He called us and asked when we were getting home with his grand baby. 😁 I think once he figured out we were going to go through with it, he was ready to get on with the "Poppy and Pal Adventures"! Ha!

First picture with Poppy

We hadn't said anything to Pawpaw about any of it at all, so he was clueless when we got home with Emmy. We walked in and said "Pawpaw, we got something while we were gone today." He said "Oh yeah?" I said "We got a baby." He came walking in the living room so calmly! I would have been like "WHAT?!" But he just comes walking in and looked at him. Then he said "Well that's a fine specimen." 😂Coming from Pawpaw that was a high compliment!

First picture with Mommy

Hanging out at Poppy's work

The next day I took him to daycare with me. Every one was so supportive and lots brought stuff to help out. One of the girl's grandmother had even heard about him and sent me some clothes! She hadn't even met me at this point. It was overwhelming how much every one helped out in various ways. Katie and Kaitlyn were the teachers in the infant room at the time and they were wonderful with him. And me. It was really hard not having any time to bond with him before having to leave him for work. Even if he was just in the next room! They let me come over on my breaks to spend time with him and that helped so much!

Just being a cutie

A week later(Sept 8th), we met Christi at the attorney's office to have custody papers drawn up. We started with Provisional Custody for a year. What that means is that we had the right to have him treated medically, enroll him in school/daycare, and to discipline him within reason. This didn't take any rights from Christi, as she was willingly giving him to us. Anytime within that year that she felt she was ready to get him back she just had to come get him.

I was scared spitless that whole first year. Christi and I didn't get along at all. To be honest, there were a lot of things I should have done differently. We both felt threatened by the other and just didn't know what to expect. She thought we'd never let her see Emerson again and I thought she'd come take him back after I fell in love with the little munchkin. After we figured each other out and that we COULD do this together, we got along a lot better. 🙂  We would meet her for a visit whenever she would call and ask to see him. It was usually about every other month and it allowed him to develop a stability with us but still be able to see her.

About June or July of 2016 Christi called me one day and asked to see Emerson and said she wanted to talk to us about something. Has anyone ever told you they needed to talk to you then made you wait to find out what it was? Well, I'm an over thinker and this was torture for me. Ha!

I think it was something like two days later that we met her at Wendy's. She told us she had been thinking about things and she felt like we were the right place for Emerson to be. She said that she wanted to sign over her rights and give us sole custody. This was the last thing we expected but we were ecstatic! Sometime in September of 2016 we went to court and were granted sole custody.

Backing up to when we first got Emerson, Richard and I had only been dating for 5 and a half months and Christi didn't want to give us both custody. I'm assuming because she didn't know if we were going to stay together or not. Because of Richard's recent situation with his ex and losing his oldest child, he didn't want to have to go through that again and wanted some legal claim to Em. I wanted that for him as well. We already knew we loved each other and wanted to get married so we decided, why not? Which is why we got married after dating for just 8 months.

After being granted sole custody we didn't see or hear from her for about 18 months. I'm not really sure why. She contacted my mom and asked about Em. Maybe it was too hard for her to have direct contact with me at this point. I don't know. One day after she had messaged Mom and they were talking about Em, Mom asked her if she would be willing to let us adopt Emerson. She said she definitely would and asked for me to contact her. So, I did and I asked her the same thing. She gave me the same answer and told me to get the paperwork started. Just to let her know when and where she needed to be. It ended up she didn't have a ride so we went to pick her up and brought her to the attorney's. She was amazing and cooperative through it all! There was no fight between us, just love. We all felt God's hand in it.

After a few months of fun legal stuff and all that lovely frustration, we finally got a court date. 3 years, almost to the day, after he came to us he finally became Emerson Anthony Marks.🎔

My first picture as Emerson Marks

Judge Anderson

I need to add a little note of thanks to my parents. If it wasn't for them we wouldn't have made it. They supported us in so many way and helped all the time! They helped us find a place to live. I was still living at home when we got Emerson and Richard's place wasn't suitable for a child. They bought him his crib and tons of other things, they're still buying him his other things. Haha! Just countless things they have done for us and we will be forever grateful! Love you both, Mom and Dad!

Little Bundles of Blessings

After five years and 9 months of marriage, a lot of negative pregnancy tests, doctor visits, infertility treatments, and even more prayer, Mom and Dad received a phone call from Michigan. It was a preacher's wife that they knew and she was aware they were hoping to adopt. Another lady that attended their church worked with Michelle's cousin(Michelle is my birth mother). This cousin asked her co-worker to pray for a baby boy who needed a new mommy and daddy. The lady (Linda something) went to her church and pastor to ask for their prayers as well.

Bro. and Sis. Dennis Johnson had previously pastored in Little Rock, AR where my parents attended and Sis. Johnson was a nurse. Mom had talked to Sis. Johnson when they lived in Arkansas about all of their infertility issues and about them wanting to adopt in the future, if possible. Since the Johnson's already knew that Mom and Dad were wanting to adopt, they called them right away and asked them if they were interested. Of course, they were! Two weeks later, after getting the legal paperwork they needed to be able to bring him back to Arkansas, they were headed to Michigan to pick up their little miracle. Little Boy was 3 months old and was in the care of our grandmother at the time.

My brother's story isn't for me to share, if you want to hear the rest of his story, you'll have to ask him! 😀

About a year later there came another phone call from God....er, Michigan! 😜 Michelle was expecting again! It's a GIRL! Are y'all interested? Absolutely! At the time of this call she was approximately 7 months along and was scheduled for a c-section. She was due the first week of December and had found out that Mom and Dad's anniversary was the first week of December also. Michelle asked them the date and if they would be okay with her picking that day for my birth. Obviously they were. 😁

Fifteen months after they picked up their little blue bundle, they were headed back to Grand Rapids to pick up a little pink bundle! It was also Mom and Dad's 7th anniversary. 💕

When my parents had gone to pick up my brother they weren't able to meet Michelle. I'm not sure why or where she was at that time but when they came to pick me up they got to meet her for the first time.

At the time of my birth, in the state of Michigan, private adoptions were not legal. Michelle had to name me in the hospital and act as if she was going to be keeping me. For a whole 4 days (the amount of time I was in the hospital after birth) I was Krysten Leigh. Yeah, I know....I just look like an Aimee now. Haha! Mom and Dad had legal paperwork for her to sign saying they could bring me back to Arkansas and pursue adoption.

My parents, brother, and Aunt Kristy(Dad's little sister) were all waiting at my grandmother's when I came home from the hospital.

It also only took me 4 days to head south! 😜 I did have a sign in my house that said "I wasn't born in the south but I got here as fast as I could!" Mom and Dad lived in Little Rock at the time and that is where I started my life as Amy Elisabeth Steele. It took close to 2 years for the adoption to be final. Back then they had to give the birth mother a chance to change her mind. She didn't, of course, but can you imagine how stressful that must have been?

When I was about 4 Mom had to have a complete hysterectomy. Though they already were pretty positive they would never have biological children this made it 100% impossible. Over the years they thought and prayed about adopting more children but it just wasn't in God's plan. There were a few times when people would call and ask if they were interested but it always fell through.

Sometimes we don't understand why but God always has a reason. He gave me the best life I could ever imagine! I have the most wonderful parents and a great relationship with my birth mom. I couldn't be more blessed!!!

As a small child Mom begin to tell us "Our Story" and there was never a time in my life that I didn't know I was adopted. For that I am thankful! I grew up with the knowledge that someone loved me enough to give me a life they couldn't provide and that someone else had CHOSEN to be my parents. How many people are blessed enough to start their life with that much love given them?

However, people are cruel. Especially kids. You wouldn't believe how many times we were told our parents weren't our real parents and because of that they didn't love us. Only birth parents could love a child. Ummm, WHAT? We were always happy to tell these kids that their parents got stuck with them but we were chosen. So it ended up that our parents loved us more.

And even today, after becoming an adoptive parent myself, I still believe that's true.

Summertime and Swim Lessons

Now, I'm not going to claim any kind of expert opinion on anything. ESPECIALLY when it comes to kiddos. They have taken everything I thought I knew and showed me I had no clue! They are such smart little critters! HA! But I am going to share with you the WHY we chose to put our babies in swim asap.

South West Louisiana has basically two seasons...rain and hot as heck! Seriously. The heat index today was 107*!! So if you play outside you have to be prepared to sweat, A LOT, or do something water related. Therefore, swim lessons. 😂

You are probably wondering why my husband and I don't just teach them ourselves. Well, that's because neither of us can swim! 😱 I know, I know! I am terrified of water that I can't see my toes in and I hate water in my face. Yes, I'm a weirdo. Haha! Mostly we just never really had a place to learn when I was growing up.

Richard is the youngest of 9 children. Yes, you read that right, NINE! Makes me want to go ahead and check myself into the nursing home at the mere thought!! He has a very interesting story, it's also sad. Maybe one day I will convince him to tell it but for now we will just say there wasn't anyone around to teach him to swim. He learned when he was little then there was an accident and he almost drowned. After that he didn't get in the water for several years and when he did he had forgotten how to swim.

All of these things combined made us decide, when Em was little, that we would put him in swim lessons as soon as he was old enough. I wanted to do it right away but we weren't able to at that time. Plus he was just soooo little!! My parents' neighbors, a sweet little Mennonite family, recommended a lady just down the road from us but she doesn't take them until they are 3.

Before Emerson started swim lessons he wouldn't get water in his face either. Like his mama...ha! But after just an hour a day for a week, he could jump off the side of the pool and swim back! I was so impressed! His teacher told me that she had between 60 and 70 kids in the month of June and I was certain he couldn't learn anything in that short amount of time. Especially in a group. But I was so wrong! He learned sooo much and talked about his swim lessons all year!

Mrs. Tammie started booking this year's swim classes in April and. you better believe, I was one of the first to call! We scheduled them for the week of June !7th. After I got off the phone I told him I had scheduled his swim lessons. BIG mistake! He was ready to go right then and I had to explain that it wasn't for TWO MONTHS! Do you know how long two months is to a four year old?? It's eternity. But I'm so thankful he loves going and has done so well!

If you think it isn't important for a child to like their teacher/instructor you are dead wrong. Children have a better sense of the good and bad in people. If my little social bugs don't like someone, I trust their senses. We used to think people were basically good, but the older I get the more I think the opposite. Maybe I've just been watching too much Criminal Minds. 😜

The first day of swim he had a total blast but when we got home I noticed his eyes were swollen and red and he said they hurt "weally bad!". I gave him a dose of Benedryl and put some eye drops in before his nap. They still weren't looking great when we went to bed that evening and I didn't know what to do! Should I take him back to his swim lessons? Should I take him to the doctor?

I finally decided on taking him back to swim and just talking to Mrs. Tammie first. I figured with as many kids as she deals with that he wouldn't be the only one to have this problem. We went and talked to her as soon as we got there and she told us that because she has so many children in and out of her pool she has to super chlorinate her pool to keep it clean. We determined that he was just having a reaction to that and the rest of the week he would wear goggles! Thankfully that has worked and we have had no more problems!!

We do have a Splash Park here but as friendly as the kids are I'm terrified that they will just go off with anyone and not figure out what happened until too late. So I don't take them there unless Richard or my mom can go with me.

We did get a little 10ft Quick Set pool for our house and we have all been enjoying that!! We will eat popsicles or watermelon then hop in the pool for awhile. It really is the best way to keep cool these day!!

Remember the Mennonite neighbors of my parents that I mentioned? Remember I said Mrs. Tammie doesn't take children until they are 3? Well, Gweny is a little fish in the water and I'm afraid that if I wait a whole year she will lose that and possibly develope a fear of the water. Ya know, a lot can happen in a year! So the neighbors have a daughter(Wendy) that is an older teen and she helped Mrs. Tammie teach swim last year. (She is the one that told us about her.) We asked her if she would be willing to work with Gweny this summer. I absolutely cannot wait to see what she learns!!

For Memorial Day this year we went on a little staycation with Nana and Poppy to a town about an hour and a half from us. They have a cute little zoo and Gwen had never been to a zoo. Emmy hadn't been since he was a year old so it was time! We rented a two room hotel suite so that we could all stay together and made sure there was a nice pool!! The kids loved the zoo and made us adults stay longer than we would have chosen to on our own. But watching how excited they were made it totally worth it and we are already planning another trip to a bigger zoo before too long. Any recommendations on the best zoo would be welcome!!

I know I rambled around in this a bit but hopefully y'all enjoyed reading and maybe it will help you if you are on the fence about putting your child in swim lessons!
Have a good day!
Much Love💕

Once Upon a Time Two People Fell in Love

I guess in order for me to make sense y'all are going to need some background. Yes, some of you know parts of my story, some know all, and some of you have never heard my name. So, I feel it best to start at the beginning! Here goes....

June 1981-Little Rock, Arkansas. 7 years before I was ever even a thought (or a "gleam in my parents eye" as some say) Leon and Lois Southerland told an almost 19 year old Don Steele(My daddy) about a girl in Louisiana. Debbie Mallard, 22,(My mama) was living in DeRidder at the time and was quite certain God had lost her husband some where along the way!! Little did she know that within just two weeks she would start planning her wedding!!

Dad came down that summer just to meet her at the Bible Missionary Church camp meeting. Mom swore she would never date someone younger than her and wasn't too thrilled that this young punk was coming to meet her. She was positive he would be too immature for her and her ideas of what a husband should be.

But God. Aren't those amazing words?! So many times in my life I didn't understand things...why they happened,what the purpose was, why things didn't happen, how any good could come from it....But God!  He is always working things out for us, even when we don't understand. This sounds like I have a lot of faith. I don't. It's probably one of my greatest struggles. I also struggle with a lot of anger from not understanding why. But God, once again, is helping me learn to take things one day at a time and fully rely on Him and that it isn't necessary for me to understand everything. I'm just too nosy sometimes. Ha!

Okay, I got sidetracked...

I'm pretty sure Dad was already in love before he even met Mom! Ha! Once they met it didn't take long for them to fall in love, obviously. Two weeks later he came down for another visit and while out on a drive along some back roads, he stopped at a stop sign, and asked her to marry him. She, of course, said yes and they had a smooch. Then Dad promptly opened the car door and threw up. This is seriously my favorite part of my parents love story. It cracks me up!! Haha! 😂

A short 6 months later, on December 5, 1981 they got married in Little Rock and began their life together. 💓

I know this isn't MY story but there are relevant facts that apply to my story. And had they not met and gotten married, only God knows where I would have ended up. So, see? Even 7 years before I was born, God was writing my story...

I'm not positive on when exactly it happened but not long after they got married, I think within the first year, Dad got electrocuted. They lived in a small mobile home and on their bed they had an electric blanket. They went to bed one night and had the blanket folded down at the foot of the bed. A bad storm had come in and there was lightening. I don't know the specifics of how it all works but somehow the lightening traveled through the wires and into that blanket. Dad had his feet laying on the blanket and that is how he got electrocuted. The ironic thing is he was a lineman at the time and still works for a power company today! Thankfully he wasn't hurt too bad but it did cause problems with them being able to have biological children.

Along with this happening to Dad they discovered that Mom had endometriosis.  The combination of his accident and her illness caused them to suffer from infertility. They tried for many years and went through some treatments. However, this was more than 30 years ago and they didn't have the options we have today. So, after many disappointing months, as those of us in the infertility boat understand, they started considering adoption.

Now, I told y'all in my first blog that I am adopted and my children are/will be. This is a subject that means so much to me and I am very passionate about it. I may have some strong feelings come out on this subject! 😀

Here's the first one....why is it so dadgum expensive to adopt??!! Y'all. It's insane!! When we started looking for an attorney for Emerson's adoption there were some that quoted us upwards of $40k. Like what?! Obviously we didn't use them but a lot are around that price. Especially if you use an agency. Who can afford that? Not a regular ole Joe, that's for sure!!

So, here you have all these people that are dying to have children and can't, people that don't want to have children and are, and no one who can afford to do what the child needs. I've talked to people who have said "We would love to adopt but we just can't afford it." And I totally understand!!

Mom and Dad were in this boat and didn't have the option to go through an adoption agency, so they begin to pray.

And God answered. 💓

Getting to know me!

Let me start of by saying, I have no idea what I’m doing on this blog thingy! 😁 I thought it would be a good form of “therapy” for me to get my thoughts and feelings out. So if you’re interested, follow along with me! I’ll probably be just as surprised as you are by some of the things we discover about me. 😜

Hi! I’m Aimee Marks. I’m a thirty something year old mom in small town Louisiana. I, myself, am adopted and my son is adopted. We have sole custody of his half sister and are hoping to be able to adopt her in the near future. I’m not going to go into detail right now about any of our adoption stories but we will in later blogs.

I was born in Michigan and my adoptive parents lived in Arkansas so shortly after birth I moved to the south. My dad became a preacher and we lived a lot of places! Mostly in the Midwest. We finally settled here in LA where I met my husband, Richard, and 5 and a half months later we got Emerson. 2 months later we were married in November of 2015. In April of 2018 Miss Gwenyth joined our family and we haven’t been the same since! 😂😍

I am now a stay at home mom and I love it! Most days. Some days I can feel my hair turning gray and the wrinkles forming. 😁😜

There are going to be a lot of raw, honest emotions on this blog but I don’t want anyone to think I am laying blame on someone. Not. At. All. These are just my thoughts and feelings. I have had a wonderful life and I am so immensely blessed! But we all have those days....this is my way of sharing my story. For my benefit and maybe for yours.

I’m also not a writer nor have I fully mastered the English language so please don’t judge me on it! 😁😁 Feel free to contact me with any questions or let me know what you would like me to write about first!

Have a wonderful day!
Much Love💕